Bosman are you really sure you want me to tell you "a story"?.......Well...........alright..........if you insist.........but remember you asked for it................and it has to be the PG version.............. Once upon a time way back in July of 2013, not so far away at the big lake in Newtown CT, there was a boat ramp. It was a remote little ramp, but everyone still came from miles around to visit it. Then one day Keelboater and his wifey decided to take their 13' Whaler off the salt for a change of scenery and visit it for themselves. "It's a cute little boat ramp" said wifey. "Nothing special here" said Keelboater, "Let's hit the lake". So they launced their little boat and had a fantastic day on the water. Upon returning to the little two lane ramp, Keelboater noticed that it was quite crowded as they approached it. "Oh shit" said Keelboater, "three boats are here already, so now we have to wait". So he motored by the 3 boats that were already there, and pulled the Whaler up onto the tiny beach next to the ramp. Keelboaters wifey stayed with the boat while he went to get the truck and trailer. As he walked past the first boat, Keelboater said "Hey, this boat is full of water!.... WTF is going on here?" The owner of the boat replied "I was trying to help the assholes with the pontoon boat over there and forgot to put the plug in! I was lucky to pull it close enough to the beach just in time to keep the power head from going under." Keelboater looked over to the first lane of the tiny ramp where a small Toyota truck was attempting to pull a 24 ft pontoon boat, loaded with five people and a BIG cooler full of beer up the ramp. Smoke POURED off the single tire that was frantically spinning to gain traction as the tiny 4 banger approached redline, but it just couldn't grip the steep little ramp and the truck went no where. Keelboater told the rednecks in the boat to get the fuc# off in order to lighten the load, but their reply was to simply crack open a few more beers and enjoy the ride. As it turns out, they tried to launch their brandy new pontoon boat for the very first time, only to discover that the water at the little ramp was much too shallow for their big pontoon boat and trailer combo. Then they discovered that the little ramp was actually too steep for the Toyota powerhouse on the way back up. "Oh well" said Keelboater....."You guys are screwed" and once again proceeded on his way to get his truck and trailer from the parking area. Upon returning with truck and trailer, Keelboater noticed that the Ford Explorer and empty boat trailer that occupied the second lane had not even moved yet. It was just sitting there, .....trailer in the water......and ..... "WTF now?" said Keelboater as he looked over his shoulder to back up his truck. Then there was a knock on his window. Keelboater looked over to see a little man wearing a golf hat standing there. He put his window down only to hear "I'm sorry for holding things up at the ramp,but I had my A/C running because it was really hot today, so my windows were up and I locked my keys in the truck by accident when I got out to load my boat". "Smooth move" said Keelboater. "Judging by the bubbles coming from your tailpipe, I have to assume that you left your motor running too?" "Yes I did" said the man. "I had to call my neighbor who lives 25 miles away to come get me, so he can bring me back home to get my spare key, and then drive me back here." Keelboater just looked at the little man and said "are you fuc#ing kidding me? The pontoon boat is stuck on one half of the ramp and you're stuck on the other half? Is this really happening? Just break a window!" Keelboater realized that his only chance to haul his boat out and get the hell out of there was to get the pontoon boat up the ramp, even if he had to drag it up the ramp with his own truck. What began as a nice remote little ramp had turned into a mother fuc#ing cluster fuc% of a ramp. Just then, the driver of the tiny Toyota made one last ditch effort to climb the shitty little back woods ramp. Foot to the floor, motor screaming, one tire smoking, rednecks chugging beer and cheering.......the truck ever so slowly inched it's way up the ramp. "DON'T LET UP!" yelled Keelboater. The smell of burning rubber filled the air as heavy white smoke completely clouded the entire area of the ramp. The squeeling continued until the truck and pontoon boat were completely engulfed in the cloud all together............as if they vanished, and then ...........BOOM! The sound of a gunshot pierced the smelly fog. "WTF!?!?" When the smoke cleared a bit, Keelboater could see the pontoon boat was at the top of the ramp. The truck was leaning to one side, a big piece of rubber laying next to the back rim, and the drunk rednecks in the pontoon boat were loving every second of it. Keelboater couldn't keep a straight face either, and was laughing his friggin' ass off! Where is the fuc$in' video camera when you need it? He backed down the newly cleared ramp, loaded the whaler, and headed for home with his wifey..........leaving one tailpipe still bubbling away in the water, one truck with no rear tire, and one completely swamped boat in the rear view mirror. "Nobody will ever believe us" Keelboater said to his wifey. "Believe what" his wifey replied. "Exactly" said Keelboater. "It must be the water". And they all lived happily ever after. THE END. You know what a grand slam means in fishing. Now you know what it means at the boat ramp! You just can't make this stuff up. It really happens.
